hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize