i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
