she looked like the before picture.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
