I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
