good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
