I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
