Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
