She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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