my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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