True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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