Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
