I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
