Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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