boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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