I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
