i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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