uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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