i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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