I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
