why didn't you poke me back
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
