It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
