Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
