And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
