What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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