remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
