I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize