Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
