she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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