If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
