My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
