I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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