I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
