Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
