yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you inspire me to be a worse person
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
