That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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