I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
