how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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