he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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