3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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