my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
