the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
