I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize