If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
