frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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