if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
