I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think people are normalizing furries
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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