I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
