I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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