Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
