I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
