Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
