My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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