I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
