My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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