Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this boner is exhausting
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
