cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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