how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize