If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
