what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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