honey bunches of taint.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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