Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize