Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
