Screwed.edu
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize