i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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