This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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