How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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