Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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